Mothers Day - A different perspective
Today myself and Steve treated our mums to a lunch and Michel Bublé act at 'The Old Plough House' in Bulphan, it was our first visit there, but we was really impressed with both the food and service.
Now whilst I had a lovely afternoon, mothers day is always a mixed emotion for me, five years ago I suffered a miscarriage, everyday is a constant reminder of 'what should of been' and mothers day always intesifys this for me.
This year I feel it has been even more intense due to the current fertility problems we are facing. However one person changed how i was feeling today, I got a text from a friend which simply said 'Happy Mothers Day I know today can be tough', I don't think this person will ever understand how much this meant to me and how it empowered me in a way. I really appreciated that she thought of me and took the time to acknowledge what the day could mean, I still after five years never know what to say when people ask me if I have a children, I never want to reply 'yes - but they are in heaven' as I wouldn't want them to feel awkward or not know what to say back.
I do feel that there is a stigma towards people talking about miscarriages, which is such a shame, unfortunately I was the 1 in 4 with friends, so I have had to watch their children growing up, wondering if mine would of been a boy or girl, what their personality would be like and if they would of looked like. It can be soul destroying seeing their children making all their milestones when you are left with just 'what ifs'
So for the people like my friend who 'check up' on people, thank you, just because there has been a certain time-lapse or the person seems like they are doing okay, their grief will still be as strong as the day they experienced their loss, it never goes away, we just learn to live with it.
I would however like to add one thought when asking people how they are, and this is only through my own experiences/conversations, try not to follow it up with 'my friend had' we all know how common miscarriages are, so trying to show that other people have had 'more' or were further along, takes away from our own feelings,
No matter if someone has had one or more miscarriages, were 1 week or 11 weeks pregnant, our pain is still the same as the next persons, as soon as those lines appear on the test you plan your child's future, so trying to make someone feel that they haven't had it as made as someone else, is nothing short of dismissing their grief.
Thanks,
Nee xx
Now whilst I had a lovely afternoon, mothers day is always a mixed emotion for me, five years ago I suffered a miscarriage, everyday is a constant reminder of 'what should of been' and mothers day always intesifys this for me.
This year I feel it has been even more intense due to the current fertility problems we are facing. However one person changed how i was feeling today, I got a text from a friend which simply said 'Happy Mothers Day I know today can be tough', I don't think this person will ever understand how much this meant to me and how it empowered me in a way. I really appreciated that she thought of me and took the time to acknowledge what the day could mean, I still after five years never know what to say when people ask me if I have a children, I never want to reply 'yes - but they are in heaven' as I wouldn't want them to feel awkward or not know what to say back.
I do feel that there is a stigma towards people talking about miscarriages, which is such a shame, unfortunately I was the 1 in 4 with friends, so I have had to watch their children growing up, wondering if mine would of been a boy or girl, what their personality would be like and if they would of looked like. It can be soul destroying seeing their children making all their milestones when you are left with just 'what ifs'
So for the people like my friend who 'check up' on people, thank you, just because there has been a certain time-lapse or the person seems like they are doing okay, their grief will still be as strong as the day they experienced their loss, it never goes away, we just learn to live with it.
I would however like to add one thought when asking people how they are, and this is only through my own experiences/conversations, try not to follow it up with 'my friend had' we all know how common miscarriages are, so trying to show that other people have had 'more' or were further along, takes away from our own feelings,
No matter if someone has had one or more miscarriages, were 1 week or 11 weeks pregnant, our pain is still the same as the next persons, as soon as those lines appear on the test you plan your child's future, so trying to make someone feel that they haven't had it as made as someone else, is nothing short of dismissing their grief.
Thanks,
Nee xx
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